so, overall,
we’re programmed to feel the way we do…by biology, by society…by whatever.
but I don’t want to be.
you can quit smoking if you’re willing to work, you can climb a wagon to stop drinking…is there some sort of support group for this…this societal/biological/whatever program that makes me want so badly?
okay…
I answered Dwaber’s questions
I have one for all of you that I can’t seem to come up with an answer for in my own head and would like some feedback to.
I’m a smart kid. I’ve had tests, I have gotten the grades so overall, I’m aware that I’m at least average intelligence and possibly more.
I am fairly self-confident, I am not ashamed (usually) of my body, I try to be proud of who and what I am (sometimes I succeed too). I have been fairly successful so far in life. I work hard at graduate school and I consider myself to have a moderate amount of friends.
Why then do I have this un-killable, un-conquerable urge to be wanted/needed? Following closely on the heels of that, why do I want so badly to be purely asthetically pleasing to the eye?
1. Is bad Art necessary for an appreciation of good Art, or does good Art possess something inherent that identifies it as great?
art is more in eye of the beholders or so they say, it’s a hard one to call I think…what I enjoy as art isn’t necessarily what others do…there is the idea of avant garde (I hope I spelled that right) art…my painful example is the woman who plays music on balloons (theoretically cool…but NOT if you have to listen to all the squealing…)
perhaps there are certain art things that are generally appreciated – the beauty is applicable to all…but certainly I can’t just dub art “bad” because I don’t appreciate it
2. What is a scent that, when you catch it, makes you think of home?
pig shit (I swear, my parents live down the road from a pig farm), bromine (from the hot tub), grease & oil (from the garage) and the melting plastically smell of a hot sodering (again I hope I spelled that right) iron
3. What do you wish you knew?
what I got on last weeks test…what’s going to happen with this whole mess of writing the wrong paper….
4. What is the process of falling asleep like for you?
lately, it gets longer and longer…I lay on my side, snuggle with my Java and my body pillow, wait for me feet to warm up and my brain to stop racing, wait for me to not feel so cold inside and out
5. What is one of your daily rituals, or daily habits, or daily devotionals, or daily prayers, or thing that you always do the same way or in the same order?
shower. shower must be performed as follows:
a.) wash face, rinse
b.) shampoo hair, rinse
c.) condition hair
d.) while allowing conditioner to sit on hair, shave armpits
e.) rinse and then wash body using good smelly body wash of choice….
so…
I’ve recognized/realized something recently…something most people will probably (and definitely if they’re in my field) find offensive….so, I’m not going to apologize for the following opinion, merely I am trying to warn in advance….
it’s about the…er…appearance of the average woman in science.
well, maybe I’m overexaggerating but I guess science is where a lot of unattractive women go to find solace in their work. or maybe it is the other way around…the women in science are unattractive because they don’t care about their looks but they care about their work…
is this wrong of me, to notice this? to care about this?
I don’t know…but this is a definite theme…there are days when I think by brushing my hair (which doesn’t always happen) and wearing clothes that fit properly I am in the definite top 10% for looks in the science world….
is that shallow?
*shrug*
I never got to be the “more” attractive girl…maybe I’ll just enjoy it for awhile….
Which Ultimate Beautiful Woman are You?
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