is it bad to be bothered by not getting even a card from your parents for you birthday?

ah

a correction:
i was mistaken (or possibly mistook)

it was not the front seat of the pickup, rather the back portion of an extended cab, which technically has a seat, but is not a back seat.

what I need right now

is sleep

not that I don’t get sleep…what I need is to sleep without dreaming. For almost 2 weeks now, it’s been sleeping with non-stop, frantic, frenetic dream…technicolor, loud, angry, wakeful, restless dreams…

my average amount of sleep in a row is almost 3 hours. no matter what I’ve done I can NOT sleep more than 6 hours…I feel asleep in class yesterday. for almost 15 minutes (it was a presentation on poop and parasites, I deserved to sleep).

I had at least 4 dreams.

last night, the ones that I can remember involve (in approximate order), bubbles, food, something happening to my cats, something happening to me, waking up (yes, i dreamed about waking up), being sicker than I am and then the last one that woke me up at 630am was about me being chased/beaten/molested by a very scary man in the dark while apartment hunting…that was the only real night mare…

i don’t know how much longer i can take this

From the8rgirl:

The Weird Ass Survey of Stephness
What’s your name, yo? Kelly
And how old are you? 23
And what’s the worst thing you’ve ever been called? useless
Did you deserve it? ni
Have you ever been arrested? no
If yes, what for, you criminal, you?
Mac or PC? PC
What’s the best concert you’ve ever seen? only seen one…and it was bad enough that I’m not going to say what it was
Were you in any way under the influence at that concert? no
If you were a fruit, what fruit would you be, and why? apple, firm and round, slightly tart and crisp…heh, no really, anything but a banana
What’s the worst prank you’ve ever played on someone? used to put lotion into my little sister’s bed so that she would think she wet the bed (hey, she was 2 and I was 4)
How did they get you back? she didn’t, I don’t believe she ever figured it out
You are having lunch with any three people, living or dead. (The dead ones will be magically revived for the purposes of lunch.) Who is on your guest list? Charles Darwin, Stepehn Jay Gould and Buffy
You have to flee the country you live in for political reasons. Where do you flee to? South American rainforest
Who was your favorite Beatle? (If you say Ringo, please, stop now.) I don’t much like the Beatles
What’s your favorite song to sing in the shower? Right now Avril Lavigne’s “I don’t give a damn”
Have you ever done drugs? no
Or did the drugs do you? nope
You have to be marooned on a desert island with any rock group. Who do you want it to be? Toad the Wet Sprocket
And if it came down to it, which one would you eat first? kill them all at once so I wouldn’t have to share the food
What’s your favorite t-shirt slogan? I like my t-shirt that says “Mint” I don’t know what it means, but I like it
You are declared President. What are your first three acts of office? Declare any car/vehicle that gets less than 25 mpg illegal. Legalize union ceremonies for gay couples. Cut the budget for the military by 90%
You are going to an “I Love the 80s” party. It has been required that you attend in costume. Who do you go as? Baby from Dirty Dancing
How many decimal places of pi do you know? 3.14159….
Where’s the kinkiest place you’ve ever gotten it on? Cedar Point parking lot, broad daylight, front seat of a pickup
Do you know all the lyrics to your national anthem? certainly (to the first verse)
Do you know any of the lyrics to REM’s “End of the World As We Know It” other than “Leonard Bernstein” and the chorus? nope
You can have your way with three of the famously beautiful people. Who will be sharing your bed this night? Buffy, Dean Cain and Harrison Ford
You decide to become Goth. Which kind? Are you a Cure/ Smiths fan, a Bauhaus/Joy Division fan, a Type O Negative/Tool fan, or a Marilyn Manson fan? none of the above
You are suddenly a 13 year old girl. Do you surround yourself with Britney, Christina, or Jessica Simpson albums? (Yes, that is all we want to know about you as a 13year old girl.) ugh, again, none of the above, can’t I listen to Avril or Pink?
You get the creative urge to paint your room. What color? blue or green or blue-green
What is your favorite sleeping position? left side, curled around Java, Horton and Dante with the cats sleeping either on my hip or my shoulder (depending on which cat)
Who has Ben’s pants? not me, go ask your mother
What book do you want to crawl inside and exist in?Watership Down (whoever thought rabbits could so kick ass) or else the Dragonbard Series (mmm…singing dragons…)
What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever made a bet over? haven’t really bet all that much…I did bet on last year’s stanley cup though, oh…wait there was that damn basketball game…shit…yeah…I lost a basketball game that I bet on
What’s the biggest loss you’ve ever suffered because of a bet?  um…yeah, it was that basketball game and the loss was nothing that I can mention here without recieving an X rating
What three albums do you always want with you? I don’t focus on albums so much as I do on songs…
What will the movie based on your life be called? *yawn* why don’t you take a nap now?
Do you believe in ghosts? yes
Fairies? yes
Vampires? no
Zombies? no
Werewolves? no
Martha Stewart? no
What’s the craziest date you’ve ever had? haven’t really technically had many dates and they were all as normal as the rest of my life
What’s the sexiest movie you’ve ever seen, aside from out-and-out porn, you pervy bastard? *skipping this one because I can’t think of any*
You can date any poet that’s ever lived. Who gets to woo you with their verse? Poe any day
What’s your favorite profanity? FUCK ME (or, possibly, Jesus mary and Fucking joseph)
What five Xangans do you most want to go drinking with? goMetric, the8rgirl, ponderous, femmedelacreme and bluestocking
What five do you most want to play paintball with? probably the same – but i would want to do it drunk
What five do you want to go out for a fancy dinner with? um…I don’t do fancy dinners.
You just robbed a bank. What’s your ideal getaway vehicle? Viper
How much older than you was the oldest person you’ve dated? 3 years
Did it feel pervy? nope
What’s your favorite place on earth? (Geographically speaking here, people.) currently, anywhere not in Ohio, Michigan or Indiana
And finally, what’s your philosophy of life in 100 words or less? Life does indeed suck, there really isn’t much you can do about that. So, suck it up and try to scrounge on through the those few parts that don’t suck as much.

so now, I have antibiotics.

hopefully, they don’t kill me. I have a poor antibiotic record…I’ve taken them three times – penicillin, amoxicillin and zithromax. Of those three, one nearly killed me (amoxicillin) and that has eliminated penicillin from the list as well. So….microbit? I think that’s what it is called…oh baby, here I come…

I need antibiotics

and cats who DO NOT play fetch…

more snow?

but I’m in Indiana…and my midterm is in Ohio…

damn you mother nature!

and on an off-note, excessive amounts of game playing insues when 4 extra people are snowed in with you (my household here in Indiana numbered 8 people all night, not too many, until you add in all the pets….)

birthday is over

i had steak

that was nice

no sex though

i wonder if hottubbing counts?

****
edited for content:

Thank you everyone for your birthday wishes! Overall it went well…many thanks to E. for Horton and my dragon…to Kerri for the e-card and to everyone else who had happy Kelly thoughts during their Friday day

also
I booked my first airplane ticket all by myself. Flying to Boston to visit my friend MJ for my spring break. First spring break trip ever as well. And only my second time on a plane. To get there, my first time ever in a taxi. *gulp* who’s a big chicken? me! I’m going to have to find something to clutch very hard on the flight. My first flight freaked me out…actually, randomly enough, the 21st was the anniversary of my first plane flight ever…I digress.

So, planes. Scary? yup. very yup. unsure about Taxi’s…maybe i’ll get a lovely new book to read. Crichton’s newest maybe? anyone read that?

i seem to be cranky and crabby and all kind of other mean c words a lot lately

i’d like to blame it on PMS, menstruation, an incipient infection, stress, the weather, faulty landlords…

but i don’t think that’s what it really is

what is it? i don’t really know

i’m not good at being happy. never was. don’t remember a time in my childhood of actually being happy…not unhappy…just no happy. maybe people shouldn’t be happy? who knows…we humans…I just don’t understand us…

we invent boredom, loneliness, dissatisfaction…we constrain ourselves with religion, education, ignorance, houses, heat…do we ever really liberate the us that’s inside?

sometimes, i wish just for a moment, a day, a week, to return to a time when it wasn’t so damn complicated – not childhood or anything like that… maybe what i mean is, a past? where there were places where it really got dark at night, places where you couldn’t hear cars at night, places where we didn’t break the earth up into itty bitty neat organized rows to make it do what we wanted…

so what the hell am I saying?

again, I have no idea.

however, this time I do think i have something to blame…digestion…

this is what comes from eating chocolate chip cookies, cheese chunks and milk for dinner

<sigh>

happy birthday to me…in about one hour and forty minutes…

ugh